Karma? No, Just Inanity

How pathetic is Frankie Rodriguez? Let’s discuss.

As Mets closers tend to do, Frankie has given at least five dozen seemingly healthy middle-aged New Yorkers heart attacks this past season. All year long there has been nothing but stress from this guy. He had absolutely zero control and walked the bases loaded seemingly every time he was in.

Then August finally rolls around and all of a sudden the dude is lights out. It doesn’t much matter anyway because the Mets have about as much of a chance of making the playoffs as I do having a nice steak dinner with Erin Andrews tonight. I’m not saying it couldn’t happen, it’s just unlikely at the moment. Either way, Frankie has been killing it to the tune of two hits, two walks, and no runs over his last eight innings.

But we all know how it ends folks, don’t we? It ends in Frankie going absolutely insane and beating up his girlfriend’s dad in the Mets’ clubhouse family room, in front of the girlfriend and other women and children. Atta boy K-Rod. I tell you, nothing says class like a good old-fashioned domestic disturbance in front of your buddies’ wives and toddlers.

Who knows what the details are. It doesn’t really matter what the father said or did to provoke this, right? What happened to the days of “let’s settle this like men “and “put up your dukes” and “let’s take this outside?” I’m pretty sure man-code doesn’t allow sucker punching grandfathers in the face in a family environment.

Oh but what is the cake without the icing folks? The Mets just found out on Tuesday that K-Rod is done for the season after tearing a ligament in his thumb and undergoing season ending surgery. Hmmmm I wonder how that could have happened. I really wish I could say this is a great example of poetic justice or karma or something like that, but it’s not. Not at all. Not even close. Because even though the Mets might not have to pay him the three million they owe him for the rest of the year, the idiot still made ten already this season. Not bad for a giant infant. I’m pretty sure that ten big ones can help ease the pain of a swollen thumb and a third degree assault charge.

The Mets placed him on the disqualified list after the surgery and all reports are saying that the team is researching the possibility of voiding the rest of his contract, which could save the team a total of about 17 million. Best of luck to Jeff Wilpon. Owners can literally do nothing without the consent of the player’s union. Seriously, the Major League Baseball Players Association has more control over the owners than the Saudi family has over their little slice of paradise.

I’m pretty sure the only way the union would be OK with voiding a player’s contract is if it turns out the guy is a cannibal. Even then, it might be a hard sell.

Bottom line, the owners need to start working together and wearing some pants. These are savvy businessmen we’re talking about and they get abused worse than K-Rod’s father-in-law did. United we stand, divided we fall, right? I’m pretty sure I’ve heard that somewhere before. I feel like there are instances in the past when a large group of people made a decision that they weren’t going to stand for BS anymore and they actually saw results. American Revolution, anyone? It’s time for you billionaires to drink the sweet nectar of freedom.

Thoughts for the future: No guaranteed contracts. Salaries are incentive based. If you are convicted of a crime or tarnish the reputation of Major League Baseball in anyway, you’re getting hit in the pockets big time.

Commissioner Bud Selig: See Roger Goodell on how to run a league.

Of course the players will strike. Good riddance. It’s not like this batch of pros on the Mets is ever going to win a World Series so I couldn’t care less anyway. Start over with new draft picks and dudes who have been living the dream in the minors for the last ten years. Maybe we would need to move the fences in a little bit, but that’s no big deal. You know how many nasty baseball players there are out there? There are plenty of fish in the National Pastime sea, don’t you worry ladies and gents. Disagree? Send comments to courier@ pcnr.com, with KIERNAN in the subject line.